Part 1: Love is love: The beginning!
- 10 Sep 2018
" ‘Guys don’t cry’. ‘Guys are rough and tough.’ ‘Men go out and play.’ The society’s gender distinctions are always loud enough for one to fall into the stereotype. Thanks to these statements, which helped me understand that I wasn’t like the usual men. I knew there was something different when I was 10. I played with the girls. I never felt attracted looking at models in a magazine. But I never thought much about it. That was only until I was put in a boys’ boarding school. Then began the toughest and most dramatic phase of my life. I was never around so many men and I was so intimidated! My way of walking, talking, and especially my soft voice, made everyone call me girl. ‘Arre, yeh toh ladki hai’, they said. It first began with that and gradually went on to harassment and sexual abuse. They would take me into a room and do ‘naughty’ things with me. No penetration but touching, pinching and more. I was scandalized. I’d lock myself in a room, sit in the corner and cry. I dreaded getting out, even for classes. I wouldn’t eat. Finally, a day came when I told my mom I was sick and she got me out of that horrible place.
By now, I was sure about being different but I didn’t know what it truly was. I thought I was the only one in the world. I had parts of a man but was attracted to other men. I kept thinking how that is possible. One day, our family was at a family friends’ place for lunch. I was hanging out with the kids when I said I liked Hrithik Roshan more than Amisha Patel in Kaho Na Pyaar Hai. Immediately, the boy there said, ‘You are gay’. And that was the word! That’s the word I was looking for all my life to describe who I really was. I went back home and asked a few guy friends on Yahoo and they told me what it meant in detail. I soon found a Yahoo room. That’s where I discovered that it’s normal and that there are so many people like me in Hyderabad alone. It was a golden moment for me. I was so happy to realize that I’m not abnormal. I’m not unnatural! "
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