“It was just one slap. He was under a lot of stress, he loves me otherwise. He’s a good man – In my opinion, all of this is crap. I have never resonated with any movie more than ‘Thappad’. For the past decade I’ve been trying to explain this to people. Stress, workload, money – none of these can count as an excuse for your partner to abuse you or treat you like a punching bag. I was in one such abusive marriage for about 8 years, before I decided to separate. I was just 20 years old, brought up in a traditional, conservative family in a small town, when I was married off.
Abuse comes in a lot of ways that we often choose not to see. Fights arising out of insecurity, negligence of the needs of the family, harsh words and the occasional use of the hand- We pass it off as ‘not a big deal’ but that’s the mistake we make. My husband was often demanding and did not care about my comfort. He wouldn’t shy away from harming me in order to ‘correct’ me. When I tried to take my life and was hospitalized, he said I deserved it. Even when we moved abroad, he refused to pay for our child’s education or provide me with mobile phone connectivity. This led to a serious compromise of my safety every time I stepped out of the house and I barely escaped some murderers once.
When I spoke about leaving, he often complained to my parents and embarrassed them, projecting a false image and making me seem like the wrongdoer.
Yet, divorce was not the solution on my head, because I was always worried about my son’s upbringing. My husband and I were separated for around a year, when, to my surprise, he filed for legal divorce. Even after the divorce, friends often came up to me and unabashedly asked “was something seriously so wrong? Why did you get a divorce? Everything seemed alright”. Only the two people in the relationship know what actually happens.
However, today I’m a happy, confident, independent, single mother. I might have changed as a person- I was definitely more outgoing and carefree earlier, but I am proud of my journey. It’s high time we open our eyes to ‘casual instances’ of abuse and stand up for ourselves. Observe, discuss and if things don’t change, walk out.”
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