“When I told my mother that I’m a lesbian, she gave me all the strength in the world. It was surprising because she wasn’t the first person I came out to, in my family. I told my sister first, and they didn’t take it well. That’s when I opened up to my mother because I was going through quite a bit. She told me some of the best lessons I’ve learnt: “Living as a queer in the country is not easy. You have chosen to come out and that’s great! But remember to be strong because the world might try to put you down.” Every word that she said was true. I needed that kind of advice because, for a very long time, I wasn’t sure of my identity. I was 29 when I came out to myself! When I was younger, I was confused with my feelings and also considered surgery. But I was too young to decide. Fortunately, I waited. Back then, I never dated a man. When I told one of my friends that maybe I was a lesbian, her response put me off. She was the first person I ever spoke to and she said maybe it’s because women are usually attracted to women in the sense that they’re always talking about each other. I should’ve corrected her, but I was too naive.

When I was volunteering with Sangini, I met the LGBTQIA+ community. But honestly, I didn’t know much about others in the same community. There is so much misunderstanding with each others’ orientations, and that’s a reason why our movement isn’t going too far. It took me a while to understand transgender women. When I went to Bangladesh for a conference, I heard a trans woman share her story and that’s when I realised the struggles others go through. For long, I thought it was just me. Her story of pain and violence made me cry! It was the turning point in my life – I realised that everybody has their issues and we need to be kinder and more supportive as a community. Today, there’s so much more awareness than there was a few years ago. But there’s also a lot of pressure to come out. I don’t support that. Understanding your sexuality, feelings, emotions and wants is not easy – it was a bumpy ride for me. There’s no compulsion for anybody to come out and be public about their lives. It’s a personal journey and you get to decide how you want to live it. This is really important because many put pressure on each other but they don’t realise that it has an effect on their mental health and life, in general. I have faced quite some challenges in my career as a realtor only because I’m queer. This is the case with so many people out there. The stigma and taboo is real – the struggle is real. We’re in this together but it’s always a personal choice.”

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