“The first time I stepped into the OPD with COVID positive patients, I felt chills. My skin felt dry & if it wasn’t for the PPE kit, I’m pretty sure I would’ve been breathless anyway. With time, I got used to the situation. I remember my mom calling me at the very beginning; she said- “I don’t know when I will meet you next. We will meet again, right? But never forget, you are doing great!’ She was afraid & wary of the uncertainty, as was I.

As doctors, our parents go through a lot of rough times watching us go into this foreign warzone, day after day. It’s kind of like a battle in which you can’t see the enemy, but the enemy can see you. Being a heart patient, everyone around me was very concerned, and asked me to take a break. After all, I was at great risk as well. But for me, work has always been the priority. It’s what makes me feel alive and content. But with all the masks, shields and helmets over the last few months, it’s gotten extremely claustrophobic.

It’s painful to see so many young children and elders catching the virus. But interestingly, it wasn’t me who gave them hope, but the other patients. Despite being terrified, there was a soldier-like optimistic spirit in the wards. I’ve seen people chanting prayers together in the unit, and sometimes just counting rudraksha beads over & over again. It’s the faith we Indians have. No matter what we go through, that faith in God keeps our hope alive. The other day, a couple that tested positive did not seem to care too much about the actual disease- all they wanted was to be in the same ward, close to one another. I smiled when the husband demanded to have his bed near his wife. They spoke all day when their beds were moved next to one another. When they got discharged, they went through the corridors holding hands, thanking the nurses and staff.

I remember going back home from the hospital one day; my help said- “Didi, mere Chote Chote Bache hain!” (Translation: Didi, I have little kids at home!), and added that she won’t be coming to work from the next day.

I understood her concern. However, within an hour, she called to apologise. She told me about how her husband accused her of not being there for the doctors of our country. It was moving that despite being uneducated, they were so consciously aware!

I mean, there is a little rainbow in these dark clouds as well. I have learnt to look at that slight rainbow and smile. A smile can get you through all kinds of blues, even in the darkest of days, even in a global pandemic!”

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