“I didn’t choose to be trans – nobody does. But I am. And that doesn’t make me any less of a human being. It took me many years to find my identity. As a kid, these things are unknown. You don’t understand what gender and sexuality are or the changes that happen in your body. These are the things that nobody talks about – at home or at school. In fact, these topics come out in the form of humour and gossip.
When puberty hit me, gradual changes started to take place in my body. These changes made me uncomfortable. When I developed breasts, I hated it. I didn’t want them. While everyone around me loved themselves, I hated every inch of my myself. So much so, that I wouldn’t even look into the mirror. I never had a sense of belonging towards my own body. My family and the stereotypical society puts pressure on kids like me to be a certain way. ‘Wear girly clothes’, ‘be more feminine’ and ‘talk like a girl’. I tried to follow all of it, but it just wasn’t me. I was in a spiral of hating myself and blaming my body for not being more comfortable and normal. I slipped into depression and before I knew it, I wanted to kill myself. I even tried to, but failed.
That’s when I realized that this is my life and I have the right to live it the way I want to! In retrospect, I was happy that I failed at my attempt. My life is precious and I will cherish every moment of it. I decided to understand my body and fall in love with it. I searched ‘I’m not happy with my body’ on Google and the first thing that popped up was weight loss suggestions. That’s how stereotypical we are! After a couple of years, I found my identity transman and came to terms with my sexuality.
At 19, when I came out to my parents, the first thing they did was take me to a psychiatrist, because according to them, ‘there’s nothing like trans. You’re in a phase where you just don’t understand what’s happening and you’re lost.’ My family blamed me because I was different. It’s not a sin, is it? It’s been 5 years since I came out to them and they still haven’t accepted me. I don’t try anymore. I love myself and have stopped looking for acceptance ever since. I read about the LGBTQIA+ community and decided to start a campaign where I would offer to talk to people from the community who are facing difficulties. The number of calls I recieved was crazy! It made me realise that people hesitate, but in the end, they need someone to talk to. I have managed to stop around 50 people from committing suicide and sent many to shelter homes as well. As someone who’s struggled and overcome all this, I know how difficult it can be. I want to be their sunshine on rainy days!
Little kindness and support can stop thousands of people from hating themselves. That’s not too much to ask for, is it?”
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