“I had to choose between my father and the man I loved. I was hoping my father would eventually change his mind. When I called up home and told my family I had gotten married to him, they were equal parts hurt and angry. My father asked me to return from Hyderabad immediately and said he didn’t accept our marriage. My mom was hurt that I hadn’t informed her in prior. But we had waited long enough for their approval. We thought they would accept us once we were married.
Him and I first met in college. He proposed to me right before an exam. It was a backlog and we were already in our 7th semester then! I didn’t want to leave him disturbed before the exam, so I said ‘yes’. I thought I would refuse later. Little did I know, I never really meant to refuse later! I stuck with my ‘yes’ happily, because I had developed feelings for him too. Soon, I told my mother and sisters about him. He belonged to a different caste and a period of sickness in his childhood had led to paralysis, which caused a permanent limp in his left leg. Initially my mother had her concerns, but soon she came around. A few years passed and my father wanted to start looking for marriage alliances for me. When my mother finally told my dad, he strongly refused for the same reasons. He was concerned about what people would say. No matter how much I tried to convince him, he remained adamant. We were dejected. As the differences between my father and I increased, my boyfriend tried to tell me off by cooking up stories about seeing other women, but I saw through it. I wasn’t willing to let go of him, I knew I wanted to marry him. Another few years passed, but my father didn’t change his mind. Yet, I was constantly hopeful. I always knew he would come around. That’s when we took the leap and got married. I tried to address my father’s concerns about ‘what people and the society would say’. I reminded him that these people wouldn’t come to help me in troubled times. I reminded him that I was happy and he should be too. But to no avail. Today, after 6 years of our marriage, he hasn’t spoken to us or accepted our marriage. When I go home, I have a good time with my mother and sisters but my father makes no communication with me. Even when my child addresses him as ‘nanu’, he isn’t responsive.
It hurts me often, but there’s little I can do. I always wish I didn’t have to choose between the two men I love. There wasn’t a day when he didn’t talk to me. He took my advice for the smallest decision he made and I still wonder if I committed a crime so big that he completely cut off from me. I just want to tell him that I am still the same person, his beloved daughter, even though I married the person of my choice.”
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