“I used to think of myself as a happy go lucky kid but now I realised I just preferred pushing away from all traumatic or miserable thoughts from my mind. The amount of times I tried convincing myself that I’m happy is kind of disturbing. But this is just one part of my childhood, mostly high school.
I don’t remember the first time I read or heard the term “asexual”. I just remember
the feeling I got and it was back in 2019 during my graduation days. The term “asexual” just resonated with me, it felt comfortable, almost like home. The next thing I remember is madly googling everything related to asexuality, the spectrum, what it feels like to be asexual, and whatnot. I might’ve written a thesis after the insane amount of stuff I researched. There wasn’t much, a few articles and 30 minutes long YouTube videos, but yeah, I kind of got what I needed.
Since asexuality is not very well-researched about, a few forums even stated that if you are an ace, you must be an aro too. This means that no romantic and sexual attraction. I felt really confused since I wanted to be in a relationship with somebody, I wanted to talk, have fun together, maybe even kiss, I just didn’t want sex. Luckily I found this “Confessions of a Biromantic Asexual” and it made me realise that I am not alone, that what I feel is valid.
This. All this misinformation, all the speculations, all the people telling us that asexuality isn’t real, it is an internet trend; this is why we need more people speaking up. This is exactly why I am speaking up. I’ve had enough of ridiculous questions like, “How do you know you don’t like sex if you haven’t even tried?”, “Are you asexual because you had really bad sex?” and the worst of all, “Were you molested? Is that why you don’t want sex?” A lot of my “woke” friends have asked me to at least try sex, “Nahi Toh patakaisechalega”. If you have such “woke” friends who refuse to respect you for who you are, please ditch them. They don’t deserve you. Back to my point, what I am trying to say is it’s hard enough to be queer in our heteronormative society, but it is harder to be one of the underrepresented communities, a community that is not accepted by people within the LGBTQ+ community itself. I’m not saying it is easier to be gay, no. However, it is easier for you to understand if you’re gay than it is for you to understand if you’re asexual. Because there are movies, there are TV shows and in some lucky cases, you have people in real life who make this understanding process easier by being an example that you need. In case you’re gay, you know you like guys. In case you’re a lesbian, you know you like girls. In case you’re bisexual, you know you like both guys and girls, but do you even know how difficult it is to understand if you’re an ace or not? It took me years of confusion and self-hate to understand who and what I am, and a few more months to come to terms with it myself.
I want what anybody else in the community wants, the right to live safely and happily. The LGBTQ+ community needs representation, not only in media but also in government bodies and even the United Nations. Our heteronormative society makes it impossible for us, the “others”, to live freely, in the way that we want to. The community is so marginalised that even getting our basic rights and needs fulfilled, like safety, healthcare, our right to a job and earn money, seems like an impossible feat.
Do you know how many children are subject to gender-conforming surgery even before they can consent? How many people are killed for falling in love with the wrong person? How countries are passing bills against the trans community, making it impossible for them to live? How athletes, who identify as female, are banned just because they have high testosterone levels, although there is limited research to support the claims that higher levels give an unfair advantage? We are the ones who constantly fight to survive. There’s not even one movie where LGBT characters are not added to prove a point as if heterosexuality is the default. There is not one movie or show that properly represents the non-binary or asexual communities.
To everyone out there who’s reading this, we just want to live our lives freely and happily. If you call yourself an ally, do your part, defend the rights of people in the LGBTQ+ community, shut down people who are being homophobic, think of “ally” as an action rather than just a label. Please be respectful of pronouns and do not assume stuff. Keep an open mind and keep learning about the community. Don’t harass your queer friend for answers, just Google it. If you have someone coming out to you, please remember, it is not your secret to tell so don’t go about bragging about your new “queer” friend. Respect their space and give them all your support.”