“I was born as a healthy child says mum, but as I grew older, my body became leaner. I couldn’t wear clothes as every other girl did. People in my circle thought I was going through some eating disorder. That certainly made me feel abnormal.
I used to wear two pairs of jeans to make my legs look fuller, and was obsessed with the sweatshirts because they did a great job hiding my body.
After a couple of years, people started to call me a ‘tomboy’ because of my appearance and I always wanted to scream at them. But I was afraid to do so, because as a teenager, I felt I would lose people around me.
I never knew how depression or anxiety felt like before. I always thought it was some sort of mood swing, which passes away in a few hours. But that’s not the case. I started finding comfort in hiding from people and staying at home. That’s when I figured out that the real problem is within me. At first, I saw a therapist, which didn’t work for me. I tried to explain my condition to my mom, but she thought it’s all in my mind and suggested I should work so that I wouldn’t feel the way I was feeling.
Learning about my condition and accepting it was not easy for me. I just wanted to go far away from home and just stay peacefully, because all I was feeling was a lot of pain burdening my chest. The uncertainty in my head was excruciating. That’s exactly when I had decided to go somewhere and learn something new which would help me become stronger and healthier both physically and mentally. I did a lot of research, signed up for many courses. There was a lot of confusion and zero clarity but all I wanted to do was to travel for a couple of months and also learn a course simultaneously.
And then, this one trip to Rishikesh( Birthplace of Yoga) hit me so hard that I signed up for a Yoga Teacher Training course at a school in Rishikesh. This is where I found a cure for my problems. It was in mid-December 2019 and the first task for me was to travel to Rishikesh, with no panic attacks in between. Second, to survive the cold weather. Third, to complete the course, no matter what it takes.
The course was for four weeks. The first couple of days I didn’t find it to be a yoga school, I felt more like a rehabilitation center. As days passed by, I slowly managed to attend the classes, started to talk to my fellow mates, and felt my heartbeat again. That was the only time in the past 25 years of my life, I felt like I was living and started to feel myself again!
Trust me, it was so tough in the beginning, but slowly I started to understand my inner self. I started to understand how my body worked. I learned how beautiful it was to feel my every breathe. That is where I felt a sense of settlement and realized fulfillment in life. I slowly started to channelize everything. I understood how bad my body, my mind, and my spirit was in a fight all these years, with no alignment. With these experiences, all I wanted to say is to go choose what makes you happy and have a blissful life. It’s 2021, and it’s never too late to start fresh and healthy. Acceptance, consciousness, and confidence are the keys to love yourself!”