“Raksha Bandhan, for me, symbolises the unmatched bond of care, respect and protection towards fellow beings. It is a special occasion within our transgender community too. On this day, we tie rakhis to our gurus, and even to each other. But the truth is, people hardly treat us with respect as their fellow beings in the society. Most of us in the community don’t live with our families anymore because we have been disowned by them.

For instance, I have two sisters and three cousin brothers. Ours is a joint family. When I was young, my family would have a hard time accepting me and my desire to tie rakhis on their wrists. Every year, during Rakshabandhan, I would feel weird. My sisters would tie rakhis to me considering me their ‘brother’ and my inner feelings would tell me, “I am at the wrong place.”

I always felt that I should be the one tying Rakhis to my cousin brothers or to anyone, for that matter. But they wouldn’t understand. Because according to them, I am a male. But I don’t identify myself as male. I am a feminine being. Every year, during Rakshabandhan, I would pretend to get excited, but the next day, I would cut the Rakhis with a pair of scissors out of rage. This continued until my intermediate but after that I stopped. I told them that I didn’t want to participate, if they wouldn’t accept me the way I was. My family knew that I was different. I was expressive and out-going as a child. I used to make sketches of goddesses, jewellery, sarees, etc. But they wondered why I did that. I’ve always related myself to a girl than a boy. I remember when I used to lock myself up in my room, put a bindi, wear lipstick and drape my moms saree, I would look at myself in the mirror and say, ‘this is who I am’.

Acceptance from others comes next. But when you have negative forces within the family, you begin to question your existence.
Festivals like Raksha Bandhan did not bear happy memories for me but this year, I feel happy about tying a Rakhi to my guru Ms. Sailu.”

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