Trigger warning•
“His lifeless body lay in front of me, run over by a lorry. I refused to believe it was Gokul, my younger cousin. I told everyone on the scene that I didn’t know the person- I didn’t recognise him, until I saw his footwear.
We were returning from a fun dinner with our extended family. I had come on a two-wheeler, which he offered to ride back, while I took a seat in the car. Him and another brother were on two-wheelers each, just a little ahead of the rest of us in the car, stuck in mild traffic, when we got the call about his accident. I never thought of the worst case. He’ll be fine, must be a few scrapes or a fracture at most- I thought, before I arrived on the scene.
Lot of things went wrong. The vehicle slipped because of wet mud on the road. He fell head first, right before the wheels of a lorry just as the signal turned green. Within seconds, he was gone.
He was the apple of all our eyes in the joint family.
The soft, obedient, ever-smiling one and definitely my favorite. He was my partner in crime and everything else.
My own parents showered more affection on him than they did on me. That something so unfortunate happened to him on my two-wheeler, just so that I could travel by car, punctured my heart. I was guilt ridden.
Maybe I shouldn’t have given him the keys, maybe I shouldn’t have taken the car. Maybe he would’ve been amongst us now. These thoughts burdened me. For days I did not know how to meet his parents’ (my chacha-chachi’s) gaze.
The grief made me start writing, something I still practice. A few days later I finally gathered the courage and wrote a heartfelt message to his parents- I didn’t know what else to do. They called me upstairs upon reading it and I was scared. But they only reprimanded me for having felt this way. I couldn’t have helped it, It wasn’t my fault, they lovingly told me, instantly making me feel better.
It’s been over a year but not one day goes by without thinking how things would’ve been different had he been there. Nothing feels the same anymore. Our celebrations and festivities are lifeless without him.
Gokul was the light of our house and will always continue to be.”
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