“Losing my life was never an option. I am grateful that cancer happened, it had twirled me into a valiant lioness. The journey has given me the will to live with dignity and self-respect, which otherwise would not have been possible.

Life before cancer and after cancer has been chalk and cheese. Fighting through cancer was not a choice for me, but was a responsibility I chose to fulfil. This rebellious instinct pushed me towards raging a war with cancer and surviving through and through. I never distinguished cancer as a disease, it was and continues to have a life-changing impact on the person who is put through.

As a child with clubfoot, I was seen with sympathy. I was someone who had always bagged the title of a “class topper “back in school. Perhaps when I started to include myself into extra-curricular activities, the label faded away. Even though my disability was not very prominent I did overcome with a great deal of determination. This phase of life did help me witness things in a different manner. Getting married at the age of 20, was not something I was glad about. I was aware of my capabilities in doing so much more. The passion I carried with me for studying was impeccable.

Well, life did have something different in store for me. In the span of 6 years 4 major health conditions affected my family. In 1992 my father was diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma Cancer, a type of cancer that spreads in one’s body through a network of vessels and glands. When my father was diagnosed with cancer I was in utmost denial. Eventually, we started to see him suffer through chemotherapy and decided to take it as it comes. After completing his chemotherapy, my young man lived for 14 years post that.

And two years later in 1994, my elder sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. When my sister was diagnosed, she completely refused the treatment. I believe this was because of what she had witnessed at the time of my father’s treatment which was agonizing. Therefore, she decided to not go through any of it.

A year later I was blessed with a beautiful baby girl. Having a streak of tragedy, at 8 weeks of age my baby was not making eye contact with me while I was breastfeeding her.
When we took her for the check-up, we were told that she was suffering from a lot more hardships than we imagined it to be. The doctors informed us that my daughter is suffering from Brain Atrophy. Her brain was shrinking and she was under the category of mental retardation. Her diagnosis was not pointing towards one particular problem.

By now the word “cancer” was not any new in our household. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1996. I realized something was wrong while I was breastfeeding my daughter. I saw a lump in my breast it was a size of a peanut, no massages were working. It felt like a different structure on one’s body. I then decided to go for a check-up, after which the reports said that I was diagnosed with 3rd stage of breast cancer. I was in denial about this as the war with cancer had already been faced by three people in the family.

This had been my testing period. I was given a choice of either Seizeration of the breast or total removal of it. Between the devil and the deep blue sea, I had to choose one. The quality of life was not on my platter anymore, it was the quantity. I wanted to live for my children because as a mother our own comfort takes a back seat in such dire straits.

So I plumped for the total removal of the breast and went through a lot of chemotherapy cycles. While I was hit by this downfall, ruling out the possibility of losing my life was the only choice I had. Through this journey, I had lost my sister to cancer. Her presence in my life has always been very paramount. Accepting through this was a challenge my family and I had faced. This was the time I had to raise my guards high and make my family believe that I am stronger than ever. Losing my sister did affect them on a deeper level emotionally and mentally.

The fighter instinct always helped me through the tough stages of life. If I was given sympathy for what I was waging with. I would have never seen the brighter side of the day. Through this, I chose to work while going for my chemo. This decision in life did not only help me financially but also was of great help psychologically. Witnessing the life, I was living, my parents and my son always believed in me for the lioness that I was.

Unfortunately, I did not have much support from my husband. He left to the Gulf for two years, I had lost track of him for that period. It was a factor of ego that stopped me from asking for help. I have always been with the opinion that as a life partner it was his responsibility to be there by my side, like a pillar of support but nothing less. After he returned, I never questioned him as to why he deserted me in such difficult times. Because for me no answer would justify what he did. Despite all of this I never chose to end the marriage for the sake of my children and their future.

As I battled through the roller coaster, I realized my focus was more on the factor of what makes me happy and not the other way round. I went through twelve cycles of chemotherapy and chose to get operated in a children’s hospital. Only because I did not want my children to experience the environment in that of a normal hospital.

Through this globe-trot of experience, I did learn one thing out of many. After all the world is not that bad of a place to live in. I have had helpful people during this struggle of mine. My doctor was a blessing, I am definitely great full for his presence in my life.

During my war with cancer, I started to sell teddy bears. For me, no job was an odd job. I completed my graduation, my masters and my diploma in psychology post the treatment. My family has always been my tower of strength. Having a daughter with a disability was not any different for me. My focus has always been on both my children and their future.

The journey with my daughter as a special child made me realize that we do not live in an inclusive society. I remember an incident, where she came back one day and told me “the children in her vocational centre were fighting like you people”. This got me to realize that for her we are of two different kinds. She believes that children with special needs are the ones who do not indulge in fights but us normal people otherwise.

My daughter was the reason behind me starting “My Giggle Garden”. As a pre-school, we wanted to create an inclusive environment for our children. By having a regular child and a special child under one roof. While doing this, we wanted the kids to grow up with a thought process that special children are no different and not harmful in any manner.

As a cancer survivor, I would like to tell you that the focus should never be on cancer as it is a small part of your life. We as human beings have the power to defeat something as minute as a disease if we have the zeal to. Always remember to take the focus away from what you are affected with and focus on what you can do.

To society, if I can do it you can do it. If I was diagnosed with cancer so could you. You are never in control of what happens, but always in control of how you can war through it.”